Why I can't seem to leave

Again and again, I come on back
Just to, again and again, try to get on track

When I go 
I can't find my way back
By now I'm sure my soul is permanently black

I try to remember
When I used to feel
When I used to see
This horrible world is closing in on me

I can't turn back
The past is fixed
And the worst part is
My feelings are mixed

I like it 
I love it 
I want to see more
Of these sick images
Into, my soul I pour

Again, and again I come on back
Just to again, and again try to at last make it back on track

This war is a cycle
Starting with mending and ending with sending
Myself back into what I despise

Can I ever get back
Can I ever reform
My sick mind whose meds is porn

Again, and again I come on back
Just to shamefully try to get on track

Even if I try my best
I'm always put to the test
And always I fail
Just to try again to no avail

What do I say
What do I keep
But my biggest fear?
To lose my shame
To be alright
And never see the damage it does to my light

But I know
If I keep my values dear
My story doesn't end here
If I continue to try
Bit by bit
my soul back I can buy

Again, and again I lose my sight
Just to again, and again try to win back my light

Tags: sad, rhyme, beat, deep, fear,